Dealing with Team Resentment
Several years ago, I managed a team of six. Most had been in their roles for over a decade, and I was the new manager. Initially, things went well, but two team members stood out:
Zola, who initially resisted accountability, improved after consistent feedback.
Max, the team charmer, turned resentful after being put on a performance improvement plan. His cheerful demeanor vanished, replaced by icy meetings and open defiance.
The tension peaked during a review when Max stormed out, accusing me of unfairness. I addressed his behavior through informal warnings and documented everything. While there was brief improvement, Max eventually resigned.
So have you ever felt like someone on your team resents you as their manager? Or have you ever worked for someone you couldn’t stand but never said it out loud? Resentment—whether subtle or overt—can quietly disrupt team dynamics, job satisfaction, and productivity.
Facing Resentment as a Manager
A McKinsey study found that relationships with management account for 86% of employees’ satisfaction with interpersonal ties at work. Even if the resentment stems from the employee’s side, its ripple effects are undeniable. But this isn’t about making everyone like you. The focus is on understanding what resentment looks like, why it happens, and how you, as a leader, can manage it effectively.
1. Signs of Resentment in Your Team
Resentment can manifest subtly or overtly and include:
Subtle signs:
Withdrawal: Disengagement in meetings, avoidance of one-on-ones, or cold interactions.
Passive-aggressive behavior: Snide remarks, missed deadlines, or “forgetting” key tasks.
Overt actions:
Challenging authority: Combative questioning of decisions or policies.
Gossiping: Negative, malicious talk behind your back.
Undermining efforts: Lateness, lack of engagement (e.g., cameras off in virtual meetings), or outright defiance.
2. Why Resentment Happens
Several factors contribute to resentment:
Social Identity Theory:
Employees may see managers as part of the “other group,” leading to mistrust. Building trust over time can help bridge this divide.
Jealousy or Disappointment:
Overlooked promotions or awkward dynamics (e.g., former colleagues becoming managers).
Friendships turned professional relationships that feel strained.
Perceived Favoritism or Bias:
Even small actions, like consistently praising one team member, can erode trust and fuel perceptions of unfairness.
Attribution Theory:
Employees may misinterpret feedback or policy enforcement as personal bias instead of organizational necessity.
Unclear Expectations:
Broken promises or unspoken agreements (e.g., a promised project taken away) can leave employees feeling betrayed.
Poor Leadership:
Sometimes, resentment stems from managerial actions or personality traits that need reflection and improvement.
Other Personal Factors:
Personal biases, past experiences, or even unconscious reminders of difficult people can create friction.
How to Manage Resentment
Know Your Role and Policies:
Understand your responsibilities and workplace policies. If behavior crosses professional lines, consult HR and address it early.
One-on-One Conversations:
Create psychological safety for open dialogue. Use emotional intelligence to understand the root cause of resentment and clarify expectations.
Revisit Expectations:
Be transparent about decisions, roles, and goals to prevent misunderstandings.
Adopt Transformational Leadership:
Build trust with your entire team, not just the ones you “click” with. Inspire through shared values and long-term goals.
Give It Time:
Depending on the severity of the issue, time can help thaw resentment—as long as professional behaviour standards are upheld.
To conclude as a leader, not being universally liked is the price of making tough decisions. But fostering trust and fairness ensures that your leadership remains effective.
So what’s your story; What have you experienced as a manager facing resentment from a team? Share your story below—let’s learn from each other.
Real identities protected
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